dec ⬢ ember ⬡

Listening to: Night noises, dogs barking, waterboiler humming
Food: Matcha latte by Cafe Mori

I've been drinking 2 cups of matcha tea, nightly, lately. Warming my cold hands around it, is heaven-sent.

Not so lit; 

So today was sort of bad. My boss is pissed at me. This is the third time, I have completely ignored her messages. She's good at hiding how pissed she is though. I'm probably going to get attacked on our lunch date this Friday. I mean I rightly deserve it, but like, I'm still scared. I thought we agreed that I was just going to be a referral business partner, so I thought less contact with each other would be agreeable, but I guess that doesn't change the fact that it was a dick move to say no to your superior when they invite you for lunch on a short notice. I'm not mad at her btw, I just feel like shit. Because she introduced me to a lot of business partners that make 6 figures a year, and here I am, blocking every message that comes my way.

me @me: Chill, Maryann. You can't do that. You ain't CEO yet.
me @me: :\

It's such a chore plus a trigger to check messages 3x a day, but I guess I'll have to do it. I wish my business number had a Jarvis interface where it would just read to me who is trying to contact me so I don't miss anything. Anyway, the reason why I didn't see her message was because I was downstairs playing in the kitchen for hours, making failed dishes :D

I hope I can the address the problem on Friday and handle it well??? My anxiety level has spiked up because of my carelessness. I really hate this since, everything was going so well last week. There were clients that I invited who were interested in the products despite it being such a busy holiday. I just had to ruin everything. I'm a ruiner ):

Sort of lit; 

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Arc - Chapter 7 released + translated 

I made triangular egg sammiches. I put in too much mayo, but I'm still proud of my first born. I also learned how to hard-boil eggs today so that was fun. If I just let the cubes of ice sit on top of the eggs a bit longer, it would have been much smoother to peel off. But I was pressed for time, so no worries. I'll try again tomorrow. Want to go to the market to try a new dish, but it's too cold to go outside :\

Most of my Amazon packages are arriving tomorrow. I can't wait. I hope they're just left at the door instead of the mail box because then I would have to wait until night before I could get my hands on them. I have a total of 8 orders. Seven of them are arriving tomorrow. Only my blue Rilakkuma luggage tag is arriving Friday ):

Another thing of note, is that this Amazon seller asked me to delete my feedback on one of the Korean beauty products, I purchased this summer, in return for a gift from her store. I gave the black sugar scrub a 3 / 5 stars so I didn't think it would hurt her ratings, but apparently it does. It was just the wrong stock that got sent to me, so I didn't complain (too hard lol, I mean it was a truthful review). But I guess it's a good thing that she's trying to resolve it??? Anyway, now I'm stuck on her seller profile going through 93 pages of more Korean beauty that I want to try, if she lets me choose the gift.  I really want to get either the Peach Tony Moly hand cream or the Peri Pera Wholly Deep Set single eyeshadow in #3.

The next thing I want to talk about isn't exactly under the "sort of lit" part, but I mean I don't really know where to tag it here. The only lit part is that my best friend has recently started interacting with me again.  We sort of contacted each other around Election night. He hasn't done that since he got a girlfriend. And I kind of want to bitch about how he completely abandoned our tradition of him sending me Porter show videos every end of summer but now he doesn't ): or well didn't this year, but this might be for another time. I was kind of already accepting the fact that the friendship was dying, but then this shit happened. What pisses me off the most is that his girlfriend did this subtle "don't talk to my boyfriend" thing on my Tumblr by liking one of my posts when she could have just easily liked it from his meme blog :o I sort of extended my hand of friendship towards her by following her, but she has ignored me for weeks, by not following me back. So, I mean, I don't know. I really don't fucking like how she's invading one of the few places online I feel safe in. Like bitch, I see you. I do not want his dick o: I want his friendship which I am currently deprived of because of you. He liked my newest selca on insta, but he hasn't responded to one of my tags on Tumblr :\  I don't know why I'm so upset by this. I should be used to this by now. Because this has already happened in high school. Where I would see one of my closest friends drift from me because the girlfriends don't want them hanging out with me :\ And then we'd have to do this whole sneaky conversation just to see each other and then we both get in trouble for not even doing anything.

I hate talking about things that bother me, but I think that's one of the few things I've learned this year. It isn't good to keep everything in.  It's sort of hard for me to do. Because when something bad happens, I just want to block it and not give it any space or importance in my life.

Calming mental image; 

You sitting so close to me, and although it has been a while,  I couldn't touch you. We couldn't touch each other.