Vader, I love you always. I always will | A Love Letter For My Handsome Grey Cat

            

I can still smell your blood lingering on me. Your decaying body. The doctor insisted that you were inoperable. 

The last time I held you. Your fixed gaze across the room. Half-open green eyes. I whispered I love you so quick even though the doctor told me it was only saline at first.

When we were alone in that examination room, I just couldn't stop crying. I keep telling you "Please open your eyes, Vader, I'd like to see them. Don't close them yet, please." The way you always looked at me, it was always so pure and so gentle. There's nothing quite like it. It always broke my heart.

Hold your darlings tight and drink them in as much as you can with your sight because someday someone will tell you, "You can't hold them anymore. He will be covered in maggots." Each death is even more brutal than the last. I don't have to close the white box forever because that's already been decided for me.

I wanted to take you home right away. But now I want to take you with me wherever I go. I want to keep you in a necklace. I never learned to let go. I never have, and I never will. 

I still don't have a religion, but in my head, Jehovah is some sort of grand librarian. And he has an archive of every living thing that's ever lived. And while no surgeons, doctors, or satanic rituals can resurrect you, He will. 

Every cell, every spleen, inside his book of records. Nothing amiss. You will be remade. You will become animated once more. And I will ask Him to give you the fastest legs so that the winds will carry you. And you can drink in the air of a perfect new world where nothing can ever hurt you. 

I don't have to be a part of it. But I will pray every day for you to be there. In Paradise Lost, I'll remain (someone has to be Earth's fodder for the new world). I'd like you to be there. You have to be there. You are so innocent. You deserve nothing less. If we are together again, that would be the most wonderful thing that could happen. But if it isn't meant to be, I want you to be happy. Because I failed you. 

Vader, I'm so sorry I have no poetic words to offer you. Only my love and my heart that will never stop breaking. 

I love you, Vader. I love you. I love you. I love you. You're my true love. And you are the one to receive my last love letter. I will stop writing love letters from now on, my love. Until I see you again.