Get ready for three and a half months' worth of photo dump lol. I didn’t include any selcas because I still look the same and I’m no longer a selfie queen like I was when I was 21. I did take lots of photos of me wearing pajamas I scored during the winter sale. I never know how to start a post after I’ve taken any kind of hiatus from my blog. Anyway, I’ll try to take some next time. I missed blogging because it always helps me with the mental clutter in my head. Let’s see if I can pour everything out of my little gray cells neatly.

What have I been up to lately? Mostly just getting burnt out at work. I love my new job, but I feel like my role has been extended so much with no financial compensation that I feel so worn out most of the time. I have also been fighting allergies like non-stop :((( A little bit of tea: I don’t like some of my male co-workers rolling their eyes at me all the time, especially my supervisor. I kindly returned the attitude and I got respect in return. I know I’m new and I should probably be more submissive, but I just can’t take shit from anyone anymore at this age. So my supervisor has been more involved with work and careful around me lately, and I in return have been civil and polite as always.

Outside of work: I’ve been getting better with Gel-X. I’m not a gel girlie, but after breaking my two of my nails last month, I was desperate to have some lengths again and I didn’t want to wait two months before I can swatch my latest nail purchases. I’m not perfect at it, but I’m able to hide a lot of my mistakes a lot better. I also made my first PPU purchase in February. I can’t wait for my March PPU to arrive. I’m excited for all the pale lilac shades I picked out plus this polish called “The Devil Kissing His Wife” - an interpretation of sunshower.

What have I been reading? Rumi. I bought three volumes on my Kindle because I had points that I didn’t know I accumulated. Right now I’m reading the Spiritual Volume. The other two are the Friendship & Love Poems. I’m also almost done with Darkness There by Edgar Allan Poe. I love this book from Prime. All of the illustrations are animated I love it. I also just finished the audiobook for Hamlet narrated by Richard Armitage. It was perfection. Before I go to bed I also listen to Their Lost Daughters by Joy Ellis, The Convenient Marriage by Georgette Heyer, and The Jane Austen Society by Natalie Jenner. The Chekhov Collection of Short Stories by Anton Chekhov, I’ve put it on hold, because I’m still stuck on the first short story. I should probably skip to the other stories and just come back for Ward 6 as the last story to finish. I forgot about this: The Power of Chowa (Finding Your Inner Strength Through The Japanese Concept of Balance and Harmony) by Akemi Tanaka. Ahhh, I didn't mean to forget about this. I've just really been focused on audiobooks and I try to use the points so that they don't expire. But I chose this book to go with my morning meditation before work. I also added these which I'm super stoked to get started on (I only wish Richard Armitage is the one narrating all of these): The Thin Man, The Maltese Falcon, Red Harvest, The Glass Key, and The Dain Curse by Dashiell Hammett. I've seen three of the films on this list, so I'm trying to read the ones that I haven't seen, but I really need to put them on my high-priority list first. They come free if you have an Audible Premium Membership.

What have I been listening to? Comfy Cozy Witch Podcast (Grimoire vs Book of Shadows; Grounding & Frankincense )& Ologies (Vampirology & Laryngology - Voice boxes). Finished Harley Quinn and the Joker: Sound Mind ft. Christina Ricci. Divine Failure by Lrama (This one — ooo I’m levitating). Color by Yama. I Don’t Know How To Love by The Drums. Glue by Beabadoobee. Pretty Please ft. Nnavy. Omg by New Jeans. Cardigan by TS (The Long Pond Studio Sessions x Cabin in the Candlelight??? It’s the Tik Tok version that’s the best though). Go Tell Aunt Rhody - Resident Evil 7. Mystery Girl - Revamped by HouseCall. If You Supply the Paint by Donny Electric. Butterbrakes by Sundive. Hesitation by Hot Flash Heat Wave. When The Night Begins by James the Seventh (Ascending - It’s soo good). Pastel Blonde by KillKiyoshi. Tek It - Cafune (Unreleased version). A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing by This Providence. Hey it’s me ft. Oran by BCD Studio. Dream Girl by No Vacation. Red Dress by Postcard Boy. Stabat Mater by Pergolesi. Norah Jones - Don't Know Why (Cover). This Is The Love by Ohashi Trio.

What have I been watching? I haven’t found any shows I wanna sink my teeth into, but I do wanna watch the episode in the second season of The Bad Batch that featured Palpatine. Palpatine is so iconic. I need to see it! Tread carefully. The next sentences are gonna be spoilers for The Pale Blue Eye (2022) Finally found a film where the detective is the villain. And young Edgar Allan Poe was so adorable. I'm not sure why people didn't like this movie as much??? Every element was used? The whole vigilante act falls under the same line as Batman and he has a cottage just like Howl???? Hello??? Anyway, it's on Netflix.

What have I been snacking on? Hot Funyun - Party Size. Sautéed Beets. M&M McFlurry with my little brother Miko. Crawfish, spicy boiled potato, and corn. Not really a fan of donuts before, because I don’t like the feeling of my hands feeling sticky, but lately I’ve been into eating plain glazed donuts. I took for granted how warm and smooshy they are; o ; I thought the only donuts that mattered were the jelly donuts like raspberry or strawberry and it’s so fun when the red fillings came out. I've also been warming up to coconut-scented things??? What else? Ate a bunch of red apples that are smooshy. Blueberries, strawberries, and blackberries smell like fresh white roses after you soak them in vinegar. Salad.

What have I been drinking? Spearmint tea. Mulberry tea. Plain water. Baja Blast with my little brother, haha, he loves it.

What have I been enjoying lately? Using my giftcards that I’ve saved up since December. I finally did some hauls. Much-needed hauls. It provided a distraction from my recent loss. I’ve been enjoying journaling for the past two months. My washi tape collection grew and so did my stickers. I like the new podcasts I added to my Spotify list. I like how my room is looking lately. And I like how organized my closet looks with the pale mauve boxes I bought from Dollar Tree. Been really liking a lot of MBTI graphic designs lol. Mike Chen’s Piano Instagram always cheers me up from a long week at work.

What has made me happy lately: Being grateful to be with my family (Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Little Bear and our darling pets) and messaging my cousins, and making plans to see each other xx. My Meditation Playlist has also brought me a lot of joy. Sure, I took a hard left and ended up with a lot of Sith meditation sessions, but the only thing that matters is that I meditate xo It’s giving slay for my mental health. I’m pissed that they took off my favorite Dark Buddha meditation video though. The Love Me Like My Demons Do Journal by Black Craft. I bought my mom six expensive orchids during Valentine's Day and two sets of Invisibobble (pink, white, and black with a scrunchie) because that's what she asked for. I picked up the biggest bloom of roses from Whole Foods for my mom from my dad for Valentine's Day too. The best orchids are from Randall's but there was this cool set of orchids from Nocona, TX (Cowboy land).

What have I been thinking about lately? Quitting blogging. It’s a lot of work, but it also sparks joy. I just discovered a nail blog that I really liked, but they have stopped updating for a while. Her archive is still a treasure though. I’m sure just as other diarists that have stopped writing are. Ten more days until the final episode of Ash and Pikachu together in the Pokémon Series after 25 years. But I am really excited about Captain Pikachu. Losing interest in video games again because of the depressing stuff that’s happened lately. Going to try and play video games before my break is over.

What I Wore On My Nails: Holo Taco in Blushed Ice & Oat Couture & Mint Money. Girly Bits Cosmetics in Wheat Kings & Ice Hole. OPI Infinite Shine in Graffiti Sweetie. OPI Infinite shine in Kanpai OPI. DRK Nails in I Hope Red. Lemming Lacquer in Just Fear Me, Love Me, Do As I Say. Anchor & Heart in Don't You Want A Little Taste of the Glory? OPI in Coca-Cola Red. Colores de Carol in Coquette, Slappy's Tie, and Ten-Q. I Scream Nail Polish in Intergalactic, Super Nova, and After Burner. Zombie Claw in Crescendo of Horror, Broody Handsome Stranger, Beautiful Heiress, and Whispers of the Wicked from the Gothic Romance collection. CND Vinyl Lux in Wisteria Haze. (Wow, this list was hard to put together. I can never remember the names of the nail polish I put on - even my favorite ones). Nail stickers are just gold stickers from Amazon.

What’s on my wish list? Muzigen Mansion in Undone. I’m getting this as soon as my paycheck hits.

Favorite scent: Peaches and cream from TF. I may have gone crazy at Amazon & eBay to get my hands on this limited edition line. But it's half the price with lots of discounts so I don't regret plunging into the purchase one bit. It only took me 5 years to get on the hype train. Wish I could've just bought the whole line years ago, but I think I had a phase where I couldn't tolerate any kind of scented make up so I just didn't bother even looking at a tester.

What have I been dreaming of? I dreamt about an ex on his birthday. We were in Paris, swimming inside fountains, and then a building was on fire and I couldn’t get a hold of him. Hello, Pisces season.

Now that the light stuff is out of the way, I guess I can talk about some heavy stuff that’s happened.

Tommy left. Palpatine run away. All this happened while I barely recovered from losing Chubby. I feel like I’m inside the Butterfree episode on loop for free o: What the fuck, man? When will it end? Shiv’s been extra cuddly ever since Palps run away. I don’t mean to talk about important things last, but I just don’t think I’m ready to unravel all over again once I talk about it. So it’s not that I don’t care about Palpatine or Tommy. I guess I just don’t even know where to start.

I miss Palpatine so bad. I miss Tommy so bad. My mom had a dream that Palpatine came back, and in her dream, I told her, “That’s not Palpatine. It’s just another orange cat.” My mom told me she doesn’t wanna get any more pets in the future because they end up breaking your heart a lot. I couldn’t disagree, but I told her I love them even when they break my heart. I dreamt that Tommy was back in the garden. I shouted, “There you are, Tommy.” It felt so real, and that’s the most heart-crushing kind of dream. Because Tommy’s not there anymore. I had about 600 days with Tommy. It was actually really nice of the owner to let us have him with us during Christmas, my birthday, New Year’s, and Valentine’s. I was beginning to think, that they were no longer moving.

It’s a spring without Tommy. And it hurts so bad.

I was always anxious that I’d find him still in the garden. Being too late to save him. That never happened while we were together. I’m actually really happy that I made him stronger. I loved how I helped him become interested in food again. I didn’t care if the Greenies were expensive. I wanted him to be able to taste his food. The last time I saw him he was munching on his food before I left to go to work with my dad. He always liked it when you watched him eat. I miss his meows. I miss how demanding he was when it came to feeding time. My favorite memory with him was when he came up upstairs one night and we watched the play-through for Shadows of Rose. It’s like he knew the dollhouse is the scariest part of the game, and he came just in time to hang out lol. I felt less scared and I was so happy he was there to binge the walkthrough with me. It’s like Tommy saying “I’m here. Don’t be scared.” I hope Tommy doesn’t think I abandoned him or forgotten about him. I love him. Always. I think about him every day. I hope Tommy hasn’t forgotten about me either. I hope he visits us again soon. Tommy was actually starting to get along with Palpatine and Shiv and doesn’t hiss as much when they’re together lol. I took pictures as proof. Tommy hissing always made us laugh.

And Palpatine. My Palpatine. I miss him being my window cat. I miss him biting my ankles. I miss his pink paws. And how he’d warm my feet when he naps on top of my comforter and how he’d snuggle when I had to get some modules done for work. The first time I put up his missing poster, some fucker tried to threaten me and scam us. And then the second call we got, a bunch of sweet kids in the neighborhood called us because they were excited about the $300 reward, but the orange cat they found turned out to be an older cat that’s blind. The third time, Palpatine was spotted by my dad on his way back from work near the park in our subdivision. Dad said the cat looked dirty and it was fast. It’s probably Palps. He doesn’t like to be caught. I miss Palpatine resting near my moon altar and on top of my vinyl record player. I’m not giving up hope in finding him. I did a Tarot reading when we went missing on Jan 23, and I pulled out the snail card. So I’m guessing his return is going to be a slow and painful one. And it also said that the snail symbolizes having faith in the invisible. I just hope Palpatine is okay. He went missing during the middle of a winter storm, with tornadoes, and heavy rain, and we’re all just so worried. He usually comes back on his own when he left before, so we weren’t that worried when he left. Me and my dad always try to look for him in the mornings before we drive off to work. And on the way home, me and Mama Bear also try to look for him.

Did you know that Palpatine the actual character from SW is largely agreed to be an INTJ (The Architect), the same as me :) As the mother of Palpatine, I am so proud lol. My Palpatine matches the name I gave him: Clever and not to be trifled with. I gave him the name Palpatine because I want everyone to know, it’s gonna take a lot to take him down.

Message for Palpatine: You little fucker. We’re supposed to watch Puss in Boots: The Last Wish together. And Puss in Boots: The Three Diablos. I miss you Palpa-CHIN. I fucking love you and don’t you forget it.

And it’s also popularly agreed that Vader is classified as an ENTJ (The Commander) and that’s the only interpretation I accept. Honestly, Vader and Palpatine together as The Commander and The Strategist makes a whole lot of sense. It just does. And Shiv is definitely INFJ (The Psychic) because he def exudes that wise, grandpa energy. Sometimes Shiv's eyes would flash red and it scares my mom lol. Vader was weak since he was a kitten, but I liked that name for him because I wanted him to know that he may appear weak, but he has a lot of fortitude and strength. He’s doing a lot better with fresh air, despite his neurological issues, he’s a lot better now, and he has a lot of fighting spirit which makes me so happy. His eyes are fully yellow now, whereas before they were a warm green. As for Shiv, I just wanted him to know that he has ten knives hiding in his paws for him to use at his disposal. And I just liked how it contrasts with how soft and innocent he looks lol. We were talking in the car last night, inside my mom's rented Highlander, and we were talking about my children a lot. She said Palpatine has an intimidating stare. Vader has an intense, sad look in his eyes and has that brooding kind of look. And Shiv has this soft, sweet innocent stare lol. We agreed that all of my sons look handsome :)

Anyway, it’s time to soak my sadness by looking at my favorite sculpture: Laocoon and his sons.

PTO SCHEDULE: 9 DAYS OFF WORK ✦

Day 1: Rest. Sleep. Social Media. Repurchased snacks without leaving the house using Walmart Plus. Caught up on shows (Aggretsuko Season 5 + Mandalorian S3 E2) and film ( The Pale Blue Eye)
Day 2: Showered. Cleaned room. Spent time with Shiv, Vader, and Gigi. Gave them their well-earned treats (Apple biscuits + Strawberry tops for the sugar bun and wet food + Inaba for the kittens). Vader has a fortress and a castle now. He loves jumping down for his food lol.
Day 3: Get nails done. Successful Gel-X. Wearing OPI Infinite Shine in Graffiti Sweetie (Pale lilac). Blog + film reels. Barely recovered from my throat feeling like it has knives every time I swallowed. Thankfully, nilaga (bone broth soup) cured me. Catch up on index cards for my Japanese lessons.
Day 4: Errands. There’s like there places to drive to, but I’ll be sure to wear my mask and eye protection from the Oak pollen floating everywhere. It’s paydayyyyyy 💴
Day 5: Study + Cook ( tamago + kimchi noodles). Kimchi noodles is not the official name, but I forgot what it was called.
Day 6: Study + Cook + catch up with Kat if she’s not too busy or tired from work
Day 7: Study + Cook + play video games 🎮
Day 8: Study + Cook
Day 9: Study + Meditate + Bike. Look for Palpatine where he has been spotted. Shower Vader.

So it’s basically half resting, half being productive. Ideally, it should be a week’s worth of rest since I’m losing an hour which is so dumb. I never adjust to how time just gets fucked up during spring break. Also, Happy Pie 🥧 Day!

WHAT I’D LIKE TO TAKE CARE OF SOON: ✦

Read more of my print books. They’ve been piling up. Oops.
Journal. Use the new paper doll stickers that I bought.
March and April Spread. Fill out past dates with events that happened (retroactively filling out 2022, 2021, and 2023. )
Look for lost things in my room: pink curve tweezer for stickers, monogrammed M mug from Disney, and my first Bridgerton coloring book that I have no idea where I put at.
Do a daily Tarot pull. I haven’t been able to read for myself. Or do any elaborate reading during the weekend because I’ve been so tired. But I’d like to get back into it and maybe create a witchy ritual that’ll help me ease into reading Tarot again. I have two Runic decks that I’d like to use more often.
Watch TCM. I just don’t understand why they make it so hard to sign in.
Play chess with my little brother Miko. Teach him new tactics. Also, help him work on his grammar and practice his HFW.
Work on my weekly sketches: I’m going to draw a lot of the butt-faced alien from SW
Catch up on Spy x Family manga. Currently on Chapter 62. Need to get to the latest chapter before the movie comes out.
Wait for my Ella Mila order to be sorted. I ordered the birthday polish Ninth St but I think it’s lost because there hasn’t been any update on the tracking. That’s the last time I order from Instagram.
Try to limit my nail polish spending for the next six months and remind myself that I’ll just get an Advent Calendar by December to make up for it.
Reorganize nail polish collection again. I think I have about 500 now.
~~Set up Shiv’s automatic water fountain. It’s pink and the nose glows blue/purple :3 It’s so cute.~~
~~Trim bangs. Done and done.~~
Go to the rodeo??? I kinda only want to go because of the fried Oreos lol.
Cuddle with Vader more often at the patio. He went inside his Jabba the Hut bed tonight and we actually had quality time together! He looked so regal on top of his castle. I finally found the roof again and attached it after a day of running errands.
Used $50 gift card from The North Face. Bought Mama Bear and Papa Bear raincoats in blue and black respectively.
Bought Mama Bear a blue lace dress for a wedding she’s going to go to in April. She looks so good! Size 6 was perfect for her as it hugged every curve in her body and it looked like the dress was tailored just for her! I also used a discount from my second job that brought the price way down. Had to be super fast with paying with Apple Pay because Mama Bear insisted on paying using her card. But I won at the end :)
Make up my mind on whether or not I’d like to go back for that all-black leather jacket with shearling collar at Banana Republic. It’s $550 though and I don’t want to blow my money on one item just yet o: Plus summer is going to be here soon so it doesn’t make sense to purchase it right now. It’s giving slay slash Black Phillip though; o ; I think I'll try my luck at the thrift store so I'll pass on it for now.
Buy Shiv and Vader and Boba their dry and wet treats. A total of $65 should last about 3 months. We’re not quite out yet though, so maybe it can wait for about one more week.
Weekly Walk. Saw black swans.
See an immunologist? I'm allergic to cats and my allergy meds are barely holding me together. On top of that, it's springtime o:
Shop around for CC. But I'm scared to add virus to my computer for Sims 4 lol. I'm pretty happy with no CC but I'd still like to try it once ; o ; I also downloaded WickedWhims. And I enabled the script mod but I think because of the new update it's currently not working ; o ;
Deposit check online. Yay! I did it and the instructions weren't confusing :3 Haven't done this in a while so I was scared of messing it up.
Reorganize my closet again. Done and done. Bought more pale mauve boxes.

THINGS I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT RIGHT NOW: ✦ ✦ ✦

Buying a new Dyson vacuum this coming Black Friday . _ . Mine broke after 8 years
The end of my spring break
How I’m spending a lot because I’m not emotionally happy. I noticed that I never spend any money when I am content. When I had Tommy and Palpatine in my life, I never felt the need to buy things. Oh well, at least I’m not reverting back to unhealthy coping methods (no judgment to anyone else), because I could easily be “that girl again in her twenties using Mary Jane or getting under someone to get over the feeling of the void” again and that would be a fucking nightmare. I just hate how I’m more susceptible to spending every time I get irked or disrespected even by the smallest things. Meditation helps curb spending a bit, but I’m still a beginner, so I def need to put in more hours, so I can have more self-control. I am an emotional wreck. I'm still in the struggle train, and I've been justifying my purchases by reminding myself that I do get paid a lot this month more than the other months.
Revlon filing Chapter 11. And now Sinful Colors might disappear. I never had a miss from either of these nail polish brands and I'm so sad that they might be gone forever.