Hello There, Ares

Oh, look, another table of contents. So we can track exactly where I went off on a tangent: 

• I. Germany as Saturn | Send Men to Mars
• II. Problem and Problem Solver
• III. Missile with my name on it. | Possesive 
• IV. Funko Pop 40th anniversary  | Miasma 
• V. Firsts. First fuck. First fight. First kiss. 
• VI.Shark meme 
• VII. 76th track of L'Hiver Playlist 
• VIII. Hello There, Venus. 

Did you get my message from the San Antonio post? I said take back all the men and send them to Mars. So why the fuck are they still bothering me at work and inside grocery stores huh? HUH? 

My friend in Dallas is an Aries. She's bold, just like you. My ex-boss (also ruled by you) was the first time I ever saw your face. She's strong and confident. She towers over everyone. She's beautiful, too. I miss her. She would always make sure I was okay. Like a commander, making sure even a lower-rank soldier is able. No one is ever too unimportant. Even when they try to wrap her in scandals, she emerged victorious. She recently texted me to check up on me. And she said she's very happy with her two kiddos. Thank you for watching over her.

So I used to think I was Dana. But now that I look at it closer, I'm actually the missile Richard is carrying on his shoulders in that promotion poster for McAllen. A problem and a problem-solver. I knew I was a hot mess for a reason lol. Raison d'être. I just noticed that R wrote his full name on top of my head in the photos he signed. And wrote "MacGyver" on his chest. That's so arrogant of him! Like one of those football players who match their numbers with the cheerleader they're with. I don't know why I liked it. He's so infuriating. He makes me want to explode like you. 

Thanks for always looking out for me every time I'm at work. The workplace. That's totally your territory. Hierarchies and hostility. So you. I wanted my war trophy after a long week, but it got cancelled. My Funko Pop of MacGyver. But the 40th anniversary must've caused it to get sold out. That's okay. I didn't want that version of Richard anyway. I want him and his silver hair. So I guess I'll customize one on the official Funko Pop online. Or maybe, I'll make one in LA, next time I'm in California. They should've released a 75-year-old version of Richard. But I want it to have his gravelly voice. And I want it to say "None of your business" like that sassy Q&A floating around on Reddit. They should've also released one for every decade. I still don't understand the "water weight" joke. Richard still looked cute in his sixties. When I used to be a Pre-K teacher, he actually looked like one of my students, Santi. He look like he could be the child actor for MacGyver. He's sharp and clever like him. He's so cute and chubby, and he actually did have grey hair at one point for the one-hundred day of school. So, he looked exactly like Richard in his sixties. Completely adorable.  I didn't get to tell Richard all of that because he was so hung up on the photo from Cannes/Monte Carlo. We say santé (to your good health) before you drink champagne. That's what I think of when I see photos of Richard in his sixties.

There were fans in the convention that would displease Zeus. It was a form of spiritual cannibalism. Richard was within earshot, and they still talked about his water weight right in front of him. I was ready to bite. But it's a good thing you held me back, Ares. I guess my mentor was right. "People talk about you, whether they like you or not." Why didn't Zeus just drop a thunderbolt right where they stood? (Not that I'm a fan of violence - okay, maybe I am - a little). Zeus was probably too busy chasing nymphs. Not doing his job right o: I should take over Olympus. Just kidding. I don't like hubris either. I don't like the miasma it leaves in the fucking air. That convention air was definitely polluted. It was stifling in there. I don't know how Richard does it all the time. He doesn't have to be there. He can just print out signatures and send them to the masses. But I'm glad he was there. Because then we wouldn't have met.

In France, you were volcanic like Rome. You'd be Rome if you were a country. Which makes so much sense. I nearly melted when I was in Italy two years ago. When you were staring at my thighs in the living room. In the small house near the ocean. I don't know what made you explode. And then again, you were a volcano again at the convention table. Saturn compressed all of our firsts within a small pocket of time. Our first kiss under studio lights when he towered over me, our first fight with the two red hearts (forward movement - The Chariot energy), and our first fuck when R made me writhe on top of the table trying to reach him (I felt like a jackass in those old cartoon shows stretching myself so far to teach him how to zoom in on my phone - because Hermes whispered in R's ears to do that and you conspired with him). Et tu, Ares? 

Look at the shark meme (Why did you bite your cousin?) I left for you at the bottom of this post. Then, read this sentence again: I'm the shark.

I finished the L'Hiver 2025  playlist last night! I don't really want to have to explain why I chose every single track because the whole point of this playlist is to leave my husband undone. He'll get all the layered Easter eggs I left for him. 

O mighty Ares, please hear me, and answer this humble prayer:

My children love Easter Egg Hunt because Easter is their favorite holiday. I have two that I think will gain your favor. They always collect the most eggs. They're a strategist, just like you. Lead my children to victory. Save them from Saturn. I want them to think life loves them. Don't let it ever be too hard. They might break under Saturn's grind. Don't let spiders or butchers or producers touch their golden, autumnal hairs. Not a strand. I am of Saturn. Give their burdens to me. I'll carry it for them. I used to not care for pastel colors. But now it's my favorite color palette. 

As for my Ares. Lead him home to me. It's been decades. Decades of internal and external wars. Ares, you're the only one I trust to bring him home safely. Intact. Bring all of his scars and ghosts. Reassure him. I accept all of his shadows. Don't let him tremble. As I tremble before you now. 

And tell Hermes to pull up. Pull up in Sugar Land. I'll fight him. With my tiny, tiny fists c: That should help me graduate from a war puppy to a decorated war dog. 

MORE SATURNIAN THINGS TO DO: ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ 

• Find my brass knuckles
• Punch Gene from Holland | Because why did he also get two red hearts? The fuck?
• Offer Ares my fire | Because every prayer is transactional (to preserve the holiness)
• Return to Saturn's Fortress | San Antonio 

Don't look too lonesome, Ares. I'm creating a 'Hello There, Venus' post. I'll upload it next weekend. Once I get this stupid gradebook out of the way. It keeps crashing out on me. I'm the only one who's allowed to crash out around here. 

  Love, 

Your favorite shark,

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