I made you guys a Table of Content. Because I tend to ramble on and go off tangent. This should help.
I. Maud
II. Well lit exit signs
III. Totem
IV. Cowboys
VI. R’s hair
VII. Saturn Daydreams
I meant to get dolled up for this post. But let’s face it. I’m a lazy blogger. And I felt more like writing than staging a photograph. So maybe I’ll curl my hair and wear the striped corset next weekend? I don’t know. Have a picture of me from six years ago. I really liked my curled hair paired with my Veronica Lake peek-a-boo bangs. I also miss my rose gold and brunette hair. But I’m really happy with my low-maintenance raven hair. I think my make up has stayed the same for years. I just change the name or the core title but it’s essentially the same lol. It’s light and airy and undone just like my rising and venus sign. And that takes care of the title part. I’ll do a reel of what was in my make-up bag in New Orleans and Destin. Ooo bad blogger. Bad. This is more like a sticky note of what I should plan my content on next, rather than an actual beauty post lol. đ
Now that France is in the past, I can finally talk about this. Maud. I was ready become an alcoholic for her. I don’t care for smoking, drinking, or playing a glamorous adult life. But for her, I’d try to be Parisian any day. She was so pretty, she could make me do anything. And Saturn’s already shaking his head « How is this a good foundation for any blooming relationship? Lies?? It’s going to crumble on it’s own » In my Saint Emilion post, I didn’t mention that I called my crush, Maud, an old lady. I was about to say « Mademoiselle » but then I got stuck at the « Madame » part because she looked at me and I panicked! So I said, « Madame…Maud? » Hopefully, she thought it was cute and endearing. Unlikely. She did smile even though it was a sad smile. Like she was already mourning our memories even though we were just laughing moments ago. I can never show my face in France again lol. That’s the real reason why I’m abandoning France.
Thank you Maud for the essence game. So I know when something is real and when something is diluted.I am not made for light and simple things. It isn’t Saturnian. It would feel foreign to me. Saturn said, « Let my Saturnian children endure. Because the love I designed isn’t made fragile or sweet like a sugar cube. It is wine » I still cherish this encounter on a hot, summer day in France.
The heart is the most treacherous organ. It wants something one day, and then wants something else entirely the next moment. That’s why I didn’t trust the red hearts at first. It took me a while to realize that it was blood-forged. From the altar where you bled first. Then it was my turn to bleed. Inside that Soul maze, I saw one of your ghosts. (Shout out to Hermes for delivering me that CNN racing interview on Instagram - Fuck you Hermes - You asshole - I didn’t need to see any of that). I wanted to run away. I wanted to want someone else. To run back to what was familiar to me. Back to France. A childhood garden. But even with those well-lit exits, I didn’t run. I just stayed. Just another rupture. I was reeling and still recoiling, but we’ll laugh about ghosts later, R.
I could’ve left the maze. But I would feel more lost, if I lost you.
L’hiver 2025 | Printemps 2026 | All of Mari’s Playlist
I wanted the winter playlist to have 76 tracks and 77 tracks for the spring one. But I’m still working on adding more songs. I think R used to compose music. Maybe it will be available on Apple. I don’t know yet. I’ll go look.
My totem keeps me anchored whenever I feel lost. My orange cat Mac always keeps me grounded. His full name is Magnum MacGyver. We found each other two years ago, before my first trip to Europe. My Harvard and Kennedy babies aren’t good with multi-syllabic words just yet so I just let them call him Mac. They love how orange he is.
But look at how this photo from 1991 is exactly how I named my orange cat. Magnum first on the left. And then there’s Richard on the right. Two icons side by side. How cool is that? Richard looks radiant in this photograph, but he looks even more magnificent with this silver crown. Richard cut his hair short this year. How am I supposed to yank his hair? Hmm. Maybe it will be longer the next time we see each other.
I gotta go back to studying. That’s why I failed the math portion of my exam (because I was so busy daydreaming about French girls) and now Saturn’s angry. Well, Saturn’s always watching. But I don’t know if my Saturn has already found my red flare signals. Probably not. He’s probably looking at girls in Malibu.
Before I go, I completely forgot about this one conversation me and my dad had this past spring. We were commuting together as our work places were only ten minutes away from each other. And while he was driving, he was talking about how we could’ve completely end up in Australia instead of the US.
Dad: I applied for visas in Australia because it was the closest to the Philippines. Didn’t get approve. Then I tried Europe because we already had family there. But I still didn’t get approve. We also have family in the states (Chicago now Texas), so I tried again. This time, it was a yes. Because I still had an executive status. I guess you were meant to marry a cowboy.
Me: My kids ask me all the time when I’m getting married. Who am I going to marry? And then they end it with them saying « I’m going to marry you! »
My angels. I miss them so much. Oh, but I really do need to study now. I’ve missed blogging. But I’m probably going to be offline for a bit. My deadline is in October. I’m hoping I can take care of everything before this month is over. See you soon! Take care!
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