Table of Contents: Saturn approves structured posts so we’re gonna keep rolling with it.
I. Intoxicated | Unforgettable Night
II. Divine Fire
III. Writhing
IV. Grand Cru
V. Maverick | Branded
VI. Dinner in Bordeaux
VII. Corsets and Moulin Rouge
VIII. Palpatine
IX. Bacchanal
X. Drunk in Dreams
XI. Bottled Messages
XII. French husband | Alternate Timeline
XIII. Croissant from scratch
XIV. TCM.
I should’ve forgotten about that night. I only got to speak to Richard for ten minutes before I had to go. When he extended that conversation, I couldn’t think of anything back to say to also prolong the moment. I also didn’t want it to end. I should’ve said good night. But I don’t know if he would have said it back to me. When he retreated (after I came forward) and he turned back around, pouring over the new autographs, he looked like my favorite student Jacob. At my small table, looking studious, but already plotting how to marry me. I laugh because I would tell Jacob, « Oh, we’re in exactly the same boat. I like someone way older than me too haha »
The whole night was intoxicating. Like drinking the stars. Like devouring every last drop of Grand Cru. If you had ruled over us any harder that night, and slip past all inhibitions, my husband would’ve grabbed me by the hair while I was writhing on the table trying to reach him on the other side, press me against his bearded jaw and whisper to me in a raspy voice « You’re mine. You’re mine. You’re mine. You don’t belong to him or any ghost from the past »
I can’t believe Richard branded my forehead with his name in searing orange: Richard Dean Anderson. Like I’m his property! I guess it was meant to be subtle because I didn’t realize it until two weeks ago! That autograph is sitting on my vanity. It feels like it’s mocking me! With that sly Hermes smile, Richard wears so well.
When Richard complimented my step-cousin, I thought it was rare that a man can compliment another man. I didn’t know about the hidden rivalry until much later. Or well, I did detect an undercurrent of jealousy at the time but it didn’t crystallize until much later. At that time I thought, « Why would this man be jealous of us? He lives near Malibu and he’s famous. He’s so vain complimenting his own face. My family lives in the small part of the countryside in France. Why do I detect anger from him? » Before it could be my turn at the autograph table, I was rehearsing my line of how I’d like to have my conversation with Richard. I was so nervous, I rehearsed it over and over again inside my head. After telling him, he looks just like my step-cousin, I was gonna invite him to have dinner with us in Bordeaux during the summer because my Uncle Guillaume also looks just like him And maybe also David, even though I’ve only seen him in photographs. And then the only privilege Richard would get is that he doesn’t have to do the dishes. Because that’s what Uncle Guillaume told me when I stayed in France. He said « I was too pretty to do the dishes » but I think that’s just his way of saying there’s the French way of doing the dishes and that I’m doing it wrong. And maybe also « Please don’t marry an American » lol. It would’ve been nice for Richard to be a part of our inner circle, but the Oracle said that doppelgängers should not meet especially if I’m the focal space they share as it would only create tension, even if everyone pretends to be nice to each other.
If Richard ever decides he doesn’t want me anymore, I’m not gonna cry in the shower. I’m gonna cry inside Moulin Rouge. Preferably on top of someone’s tight corset. Because I’m not just crying anywhere. I’m gonna cry inside a cabaret.
Why am I praying to the planets, when I should be consulting Palpatine since he rules the entire galaxy? Let me book a ticket to Space Con 2025 right now so I can talk to Ian McDiarmid. I think he’s also the same age as Richard. We’d go on a dinner date to talk about how to make Richard surrender. Just two INTJ masterminds gathering intel. And nobody jump my ass, I know the Fates rule the cosmos. Not Grand Daddy Palps. God. Give my favorite character a break.
I would totally beat Poseidon and Zeus together when it comes to pulling girls. Because when I was only five when I was already surrounded by girls. At my godfather Hector’s birthday party, I had to go to use the restroom and they took me to this fancy room where there’s a pink magical toilet with a bidet. It sang « Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star » and the older girls were brushing my hair while I peed telling me how pretty I was, and that my hair felt so soft like silk. And what were Poseidon and Zeus doing when they were five? Inside my Saturn’s belly, ready to be digested. Hah! They’re lucky I retired early at five, or they wouldn’t be able to match me! Okay, I shouldn’t show off. That’s like the most innocent Bacchanal gathering in the history of orgies lol. Plus, it was embarrassing how after I just finished peeing, I already immediately want to go back in the restroom again. And the oldest girl was like « But you just finished peeing? You wanna go tinkle again? » And I just looked at her like « I’d pee blood if I have to ! »
Bacchus, I think sometimes you like to visit me during my pré-ovulation days. Because why else would I be in such a frenzy and feeling feral thinking about Richard? Sometimes, during sacred self-touch I would imagine Richard as he is now, with his other two selves as MacGyver and Captain Jack. All three of them hungrily devouring me in a carnage. It’s like a dream that Poseidon designs every night. With heated symbols that I want to integrate into my core.
The Greeks said that the ocean is the original red wine. Not because of it’s hue but because of its layer and depth. Sometimes, when I write these messages to the gods and to Richard, I feel like I’m standing on the shore, hoping he’d receive all of my bottled messages. I don’t really know if it would ever reach him.
If I did get married in France in a parallel universe, the Oracle said Richard would still chase after me and court me the same way he is doing now. Because he’d know deep down that I wasn’t tethered to my French husband, the way I would be with him. If I had said instead « You look just like my husband » he would notice the ring on my left finger, laugh, and then still pursue me. He’d move his charity works across the Atlantic and do all his conventions in Europe to be near my orbit. He’s insane.
Did you know? My husband won’t let me eat croissants anymore, according to the Oracle. It would stir his jealousy ire. He’d toss it in the trash can before I can land a bite. He would rather bake it himself from scratch and bake it the American way. And then feed it to me. He’s crazy.
I can’t believe my Richard is in Turner Classic Movies. For the 40th anniversary of MacGyver. That’s the only channel that matters in the history of television! 📺 I love that he’s immortalize there. Zeus would be pleased.
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