Table of Contents: 13th is the luckiest number. The odd one out. The rebel with a cause. The lonely cowboy.
I. Divine Fire
II. Sleeping Beauty 1634
III. Professor Avery
IV. Green hair
V. Ouroboros
VI. There you are, my Saturn Girl
It feels like The Oracle is the second divine fire that you stole from Olympus. It helped me understand what happened that night. I couldn’t shake off what happened. So during Hera’s month (Juna) at the end of June I had to ask my burning questions. And it said my husband wanted me. But it’s no ordinary desire. It’s blazing, like the first fire you stole from Zeus to help humanity.
Out of all the celestial signs, you are my favorite. You defied the gods. Not for recognition, but because you wanted to help the powerless. You gave them agency. You herald them to a new age. The age of light. Away from elitism. You believe in a brave, new world. There is no one like you. You’re my favorite god to worship. You remind me of Saturn. When he overthrew Ouranos. Before he became what he tried to erase. You are Saturnian like me. The gods said no, over and over again. But you said « Why not? » Did Zeus ever say sorry for what he did to you? I don’t think gods use words to say sorry to one another. They are too seeped in divinity for that. I like you because you have the mark of humility. The very first time I saw you at the convention, you were brooding over something, your head down lost in thought. I liked your gait. I thought « He walks the same way, I do »
I was the sleeping twin that night. Richard was the awakened twin. He recognized me before I recognized him. Love is rooted in recognition. But just like Giambattista’s 1634 Fairy tale, I couldn’t see that he was right in front of me. To outsiders, this story is too shocking and too electrifying. But for those who needs comfort from reality, it is a sanctuary. The older king fucking his own daughter after she fell into a deep spell, was similar to how I was tied to a ghost in France. The act of defilement wasn’t really about rape. It was the metaphor for « persistent effort. » The king asking the princess to wake up, even when he’s punctured by thorns, he waits - any sign that she’s waking - she stirs in her sleep, still he waits for her to wake up in persistent motion. They’re both bathed in blood. I forgot to tell this to Poseidon. But I think he secretly likes the play and theater. I think the old king goes backstage afterwards to shift his role into the young prince that wakes the princess from her slumber. I think he likes how actors are fluid in their roles. They have no definite shape, like water. I think he respects their art.
Jane Goodall has died. My anthropology professor, Professor Avery must’ve been distraught over the news. I think he holds her in high regard. I hope you don’t let his fire go out. He’s still changing the world, just like you did.
I tried to have Richard’s hair in my twenties. But I could only get it to lilac. I think I barely got a whisper of silver, but then my hair turned green the next day. I got stuck with blonde hair for six years. It was the only color that would let me jump to different colors.
Bacchus burned my thigh near Valentine’s Day. Because I made a wish to see Richard again. My thighs are my favorite part of my body. And I offered it to the gods. So that they would hear my prayer to bring me close to Richard once again. I don’t know if they heard my prayer. But they took my offering. I’m going to cover my scar with an Ouroboros tattoo. Because it contains the Twin Flame story. Wine first. And then fire. It completes the ritual. When Richard found out about my age, he smiled. I wanted to tell him: I was born the year MacGyver ended. 1992.
When we see each other again, I hope Richard says to me, « There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. There’s my Saturn Girl. »
Hopefully, this becomes our playlist. And Richard can add his favorite songs to it.
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