Table of Contents: I made three sets of 2025 Year Recaps because I couldn't decide on one structure.

I. Hermes' Year

II. West Coast

III. Alliance

IV. Faux Abs

V. Right in the Cervix

VI. Saturn and The Container Store

VII. Cherry Pies and Chess

VIII. 33rd Birthday

IX. 10 Years of Blogging

X. French Dressing and Creamer

XI. Saint Vader

XII. Gemini Theory

XIII. Hermes after Saturn

I wanted to say thank you to Hermes for these two messages: (1) I speak the Language of Desire fluently this whole time, and (2) the Art of Discernment was within me all along. Ever the trickster. I love you.

I thought I kept missing deadlines, and that I'm such an awful adult human being, but no. It's this fucked up State that keeps moving the goal post. I'm gonna look for another state that isn't fucked up as this. And would actually sponsor me for all my efforts. One day, I'll be a director too of my own unit. But for now, I'm enjoying the quiet feedback that everyone likes my management style.

I just realized, I don't like the word marriage. I would rather use the word alliance. Because Richard can choose not to close this courtship ritual, and he can choose to abandon this alliance, but I won't abandon myself. I will still be the last one standing.

I'm really gonna do it this year. No drawing of fake abs with my waterproof bronzer cream stick. I'm gonna do push ups everyday, where you just touch your shoulder. No equipment for my abs year. I thought I ate with my "Hello There, Snoopy" and my "Vader greets the Emperor" posts. I thought I had abs for real. I thought it was peeking out during my photo op with Palpatine. But it's just my rib cage sticking out. Or the shadows of my rib cage? How the hell did I get an A in anatomy? I need to retake that class. It's just me and my fake abs against the world ; o ; Love isn't the last illusion we let go of before we enter the new order. It's my fake abs I need to shed before we enter the year of our lord 2026.

Richard shoved the autographed red hearts so violently towards me. I don't even know what I said or did that triggered him to do that. I felt it right in the cervix. I am not responsible for regulating your emotions. So, I tried to shake his hands so we could part as friends, and just when I was about to take it, I just walked away. I'm like, "Oh, I forgot this man hates me and we barely just met." Oh, and I wanted to punch him in the jaw for touching my elbow at the studio and he was just smirking with a glint in his eye especially when I established a boundary with a creepy fan. He looked like he was enjoying an exteded French dinner before saying how "lovely" I was. Didn't you just see me be terrifying five seconds ago???

At the studio, my mom almost chickened out in meeting Richard. I told her she can go first, so she can get an individual photo without me in it. She said no, she wants to go home. And mentally I’m like “Hell to the fuck no, Mother. My siblings are going to be decimated by me tonight steeped with jealousy and marked your least favorite children. This is happening.” So I said to her in my very best Tommy Shelby voice, “I go first. You follow.” Just to demonstrate to her that Richard isn’t scary (Spoiler alert: He scared the shit out of me at the autograph table with me who ended up screaming “Red, red, please!”). So I went in there telling the ticket attendant, “I have two tickets,” and proceeded to march in there like Darth Vader. I think I scared Richard because he was hiding behind a volunteer and then he did the zombie walk and he just hovered on top of me for a while like in a trance. And then when my mom broke the little spell he was under by nudging me forward to him, that’s when Richard went back to normal. And I swear the college camera crew were laughing at me for stunning Richard lol. And then they laughed even harder when I did a double take of Richard where I was mentally undressing him by staring at his neck and his side profile like a little TSA machine droid. It was the strangest déjà vu moment I’ve ever had: My brain kept saying, “I’ve seen you somewhere before, a thousand times!”

This is a lot of behind-the-scenes commentary. Well, it was kind of hard to compress when I wrote about Space Con last year because I barely understood what happened until now.

Richard tried to make it up to me by extending the moment, but turned his back on me and retreated from my hug as I stepped forward toward him! And I just stood there watching his neck and grey hair as he hunched over the autograph with me looking stupid as hell. It's a memory loop that won't close. Saturn would tell me to contain my emotions and not let them leak. Cosmic Father, you would love the hell out of The Container Store.

Two new hobbies for 2026: I want to travel within my continent, and just drive to find the best cherry pie in every state. I don't know why I'm becoming obsessed with cherry pie. I'm even thinking about bringing my own grey notebook with my initials to start my food critic rating chart. And instead of buying more video games (Lord knows how long it's been since I charged my Nintendo Switch), I have decided I want to play analog games. I'm going to learn how to play chess. Not to win, but just to understand it better. In my head, I see it as an entire Pantheon board. Hera, as the queen, can move everywhere. Zeus is contained for once into one square (No nymphs chasing for you, sir). Ares is the chaotic knight who likes to be in the center of the board. Athena is the bishop with long-range strategic warfare. And then there's Hermes. My favorite. He commands the pawns who can turn into a powerful piece once they've breached enemy lines. Prometheus, as the rook, because he's forward-thinking and protects the king even though he doesn't deserve it. That's the white set. For the black set, it's the Titans. Saturn is the rook - exacting and judging everyone from the corner of the board. There's Oceanus as the knight because he's as unpredictable as waves breaking the shore. Mnesymone is the bishop. And the pawns are the lovely nymphs who advance (expendable, sure if you want to see it that way), but those that endure like Saturn become goddesses. Then there's Hades and Persephone as equal rulers. One is still. One is in motion. Like Hestia and Hermes in an eternal dance.

My favorite gift(s) for my birthday: Pear and cherry pies and shrimp & corn chowder, rotisserie chicken (for me and the stray cat gang) from Mama Bear delivered to my doorstep while she's up North | Armoire with dresses, Light up Greenhouse, an intricate birthday card, Chantilly cake with berries from Whole Foods, and lemon pastries with m&m reindeer pretzels from my aunt Judy (I'm so happy she doesn't live in Chicago anymore!) | My cousin Andy let me choose from her stylish wardrobe and delivered it to me in a giant grey box. I loved the grey coats and blue dresses the most | My cousin June got me work snacks and cute hair clips I didn't get to spot during my hunts, and I love them | Gift(s) to myself: Black and Gold diver figurine (He also looks like a NASA astronaut from the front), The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli (In both Audible and hardbound copy), new bras from Cherries - the grey one is my favorite; I did pick up quite a few other things but it was my first time actually celebrating my entire birth month like an Advent calendar (I still haven't caved in with actual advent calendars because I don't like suprises lol). My work wives sending me birthday messages made me cry. And even my old work wife remembered it, too. Nicole (current work wife) recommended me to try Saratoga 1872 Sparkling water, and it was the best recommendation ever. I mix it with my Ocean White Cran Peach so I can have a mocktail moment. Also, my new company is over 100 years old just like my old workplace. It was established circa 1917, so around the Russian Revolution. I didn't even know that. I found out from the secretary when she got me a new shirt. 33 collapses into 6, which is The Lovers in Tarot.

My favorite Christmas gift(s) from my kids: Bronze Swan jewelry dish, Gingham Gorgeous lotion (pink strawberries, peach nectar, and peony blooms) | Pale pink pencil case with ribbons all around it & it came with pastel gel pens | I used to get a lot of gift cards but I must say, it feels so nice to receive analog, actual tangible items for Christmas | I don't know how to explain it but it's just so thoughtful that they anticipated what they think I'd like and they respect my art, that's what matters more.

My favorite small moments of 2025: End of June, when I realized what actually happened in Space Con 2024 | NOLA & Destin | My Pantheon Posts Series | This girl that I follow on Youtube found her beloved "Sardine bag" after months of hunting and looking everywhere, crossing state lines. And she gave her speech about never giving up and we all cried. Any moments with my cats, parents, brother bear, my extended family, and FaceTime moments with family in France xx

There's very minimal winter decor this year. I only wanted my blue, silver-haired Nutcracker (Richard-coded) guarding the heavy front doors. I have a mini silver Christmas tree and mini Christmas town with raspberry cookies inside as actual Saturnalia decor lol. I need to look for my thermals. I am so cooked for January and my return to Austin if I don't organize my closet before New Year's Eve.

Next year, in 2026, is officially my 10th anniversary of returning to blogging (without dismantling it at any point). I'm going to open the Chandon Brut Rosé that my sweet co-worker got for me as a Christmas gift to celebrate.

Interlude: Magnum MacGyver (My orange cat's full name) literally translates to "The Great MacGyver." I just realized that. "Il Grande MacGyver." I should've bought a cheeseburger Halloween costume for him since I call him "Mac" a lot. I'll borrow my mom's Ray-Ban glasses so I can take more videos and photos of him, since she doesn't use them a lot.

During Christmas Dinner, my aunt and cousin-in-law were saying how good the salad was because of the French dressing. And I'm over here all quiet, because I forgot grab the dressing. How barbaric of me. But the salad was solid on its own without the dressing. The cucumbers were so crispy, and the angel cherries had the right amount of sharpness, and the cilantro and avocado made it rich and balanced. However, I tried the dressing afterwards (at home, yay leftover party!), and it was good, but not as good as I had hoped. I prefer classic American Ranch. Ooo, what does that say about me? I hope Mike never finds this blog. He's gonna torture me for having a crush on Richard. Wait, Richard has a crush on me. That's embarrassing. Mutual embarrassment for the win.

I can't wait for New Year's Eve. I'm gonna hang out with my extended family again. It's a part of my state I've never been to before.

It's not fair that I only had ten minutes with Richard while Nicolas had 10 years with Nicole. Well, I don't have a roster waiting for me, so I guess I'm going to become a DJ if I don't end up pulling the timeline I actually want to be in. I want my name to be "Saint Vader" for gallery openings or weddings. But I want Dazed//Mari for night sets. My set is going to include iconic lines from Thrawn, Vader, and Palpatine thrown into the mix. The triptych is going to be leverage, power, and seduction all in one breath. And then I can start thinking about my outfits.

Maud would be Richard if he was a French girl in another parallel timeline. And Maud would only be half of Richard if she were an American man. Sometimes, you just gotta compare two healthy options. Like salad. And we already know what dressing I like. They both embody Hermes for me. They’re playful and light. Maud is a confirmation that opened that channel for me. But Richard activates the entire board. There is no one like him.

I want Hermes after he survives Saturn. Not just Hermes alone.